The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
