If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
soo... how was my night?
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