Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
