I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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