last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
