FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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