I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
