In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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