Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
