just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
