just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
