Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize