dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
