i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
