ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
