Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
