Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize