apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
