new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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