He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
