wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
