I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
