thus making me awesome and them whores
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
