So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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