Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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