This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
