You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
