Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
