3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
