There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
