I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize