It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
