...so i touched it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
