We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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