Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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