he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
