every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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