She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
