she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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