That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
