what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
