piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
