i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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