I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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