I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
