We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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