i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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