worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
