fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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