So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
