Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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