I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
