I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
