giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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