we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
