I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
