...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
