I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
