Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
even my farts smell like vagina
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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