I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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