you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
