It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
