Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
