I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize