Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
